Memoirs of Megamind
by Phantom Misfit
Summary: Different Megamind oneshots that include humor, romance, angst, and more! Chapter 3 - Swimming: Roxanne goes to the pool to relax, but Megamind comes along to kidnap her. This time, she won't let him. Rated T in general, each story has it's own rating.
1. Texting

**Texting**

**Pairings: Megamind/Roxanne**

**Rating: K+/T  
**

**Story © Phantom Misfit**

**Megamind © Dreamworks**

xoxox

Roxanne wondered, with all his genius, if Megamind really knew anything of the modern world.

Sure, he was a genius in all other ways. He built his own evil inventions (well, not so evil anymore), could answer intense mathematical equations at the drop of a hat, and could take apart an army tank piece-by-piece and rebuild it into a rocket. Yet before disguising himself as Bernard, he'd never had a phone. He wasn't sure what 'video games' were and scoffed at the simplicity of them when he did. But the biggest shocker to Roxanne was that before he met her, he'd never known how to text or what a text _was_.

Yes, Megamind was book smart. But when it came to street smarts, he was lost.

She wondered how someone, in this day and age, could honestly not _know_ what a text was. Whenever she walked down the street or visited a high school for an award story, people were texting or playing games on their phones. It boggled her mind that Megamind was so ignorant of that when he knew parts of a computer even the most intellectual computer geek didn't know.

It wasn't like it bothered her, it actually greatly amused her. Like now, for instance, when she was texting him about their date that night. He didn't understand ANY texting lingo, so he requested she text with words instead of 'brb' or 'rofl'. What amused her even more was while he texted with words as well, he completely abused 'lol'. It was like his pronunciation with words. He always answered the phone with 'Ollo' instead of 'hello', but he could say the word 'repugnant' without hesitation. It was totally random and he was un-teachable, but it amused her to no end.

'_Can't wait for tonight_' she typed into her phone, dodging a holiday shopper on the street. '_I might be a few minutes late, I'm going shopping for a new dress and a haircut_'

She waited a moment for his reply and smiled when her phone beeped. She flipped it open and glanced at the text, grinning as she read it. '_me either. and why? you're already too beautiful for words LOL'_

She rolled her eyes and grinned at the text lingo that made no sense. '_haha thanks :-)'_

He must have decided she was done texting because he didn't reply, but that was okay. Her face stung from the cold the wind whistled by her, carrying snowflakes. Finally getting to her destination, she gripped a large handle and tugged. The warmth of the shop melted the snow from her eyebrows as she ducked inside and shut the door hurriedly.

A saleswoman came over to help her and she forgot about Megamind's quirks as she shopped for a beautiful dress for that night.

xoxox

Later, Roxanne glanced at the clock worriedly as Alice, her hairdresser, trimmed her almost-shoulder-length tresses, knowning she was going to be late. A beep from her pocket alerted her to a new text. She dug her phone out of her pocket and flipped it open, seeing a message from Megamind. '_Where are you?'_

'_At the hairdressers.' _She replied. '_Sorry, I'm running late. I'll be there soon.'_

'_Okay, just be careful out there. The snow is coming down hard. LOL.'_

She snorted at the strange message and then decided, since Alice wasn't the most talkative hairdresser, that she would try to figure out if there was ANY rhyme or reason to Megamind's LOL addiction. Going through old texts she hadn't deleted, her eyebrow quirked. She and he often texted back and forth, and it wasn't until the last text in their ongoing conversation that he typed LOL. She wondered why, but then it flew out of her head as Alice exclaimed, "And…done! How do you like it?" Roxanne looked in the mirror and nodded approvingly, giving a smile to the woman. "It looks great. Thanks."

She hurried to pay for the woman's services and then braved mother nature to force her way to her care. Megamind was right, it was like a blizzard out there. After driving home, (which was close to the hairdressers) and then changing into her dress, she made her way to the restaurant where her alien boyfriend was waiting for her. Luckily, she was only about ten minutes late, and his smile was warm as he held out a chair for her. His normally bright green eyes went dark as he appraised her. "You look beautiful."

Her heart jumped and she smiled, letting her eyes roam over him as well. "Thanks. You look pretty good yourself."

He let out a laugh and then the waitress came to take their orders. After ordering they talked for a while until a beep came from Megamind's pocket. "Oops, sorry." He apologized, exasperated at the interruption. It was Minion, questioning him about a new plan for the city's highway they were working on. Megamind just rolled his eyes and set his phone to silent, sliding it back into his pocket. "Just Minion again." He explained. She smiled and nodded.

"Actually, that reminds me." Roxanne replied, her eyes intent on him. "I wanted to ask you a question about your texts."

"My…texts?" He asked, confused.

"Yes." She nodded. "I wanted to know why you put LOL after your ending messages."

He blinked. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Not really," She grinned, "especially after a text you sent that said you couldn't make it to dinner with my parents on account of receiving third degree burns from The Scorcher. It didn't seem like LOL was the appropriate thing to type after that."

He still seemed confused. "Why wouldn't it be?"

She chuckled, suddenly realizing what the problem might be. "Do you even know what LOL stands for?" She asked, extremely amused. He blinked again and his normal, confident expression returned. "Of course."

"Then what does it mean?" She countered.

He grinned bashfully and his cheeks reddened – well, became more purple. "It means lots of love."

Roxanne blinked. Blinked again. Her face was blank, devoid of all expression, and he fidgeted. "…Doesn't it?"

Suddenly, a huge grin overcame her and she launched over, locking him in a kiss. He sat stock-still in shock for a moment and then relaxed, returning the kiss. When she leaned back he grinned goofily. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked overjoyed. "You love me?" She remembered he'd sent that even when he'd been Bernard and she couldn't stop smiling at the thought.

His brows furrowed. "Of course. Why else would I add LOL to my texts?"

She shook her head and grinned, pulling him into another kiss. "Silly alien."


	2. Alien

**Alien**

**Pairings: Megamind/Roxanne implications**

**Rating: K+  
**

**Genre: Humor**

**Story © Phantom Misfit**

**Megamind © Dreamworks**

...

Roxanne Ritchi was walking down the street in downtown Metro City when her phone began to ring. Smiling, she dug her cell phone out of her pocket and flipped it open, her voice warm when she answered. "Hey, Blue. What's up?"

"Roxanne, come quickly!" He sounded excited and her smile widened at the sound of it. "I've made an incredible breakthrough!"

"Okay, I'll be at the lair in 5." She replied, and he clicked off without saying goodbye.

…

She was barely in the lair when she felt a familiar hand tug her through the holographic wall and into the building. She nearly stumbled as Megamind dragged her through it, struggling to keep up and laughing breathlessly. "Megamind, what's going on!"

His expressive face was bright and he had a huge grin on his face. "Follow me!" He let go of her hand and began walking quickly backwards so he could talk to the girl. She wondered how on earth he could do that and not trip, but he seemed to be doing fine, so she didn't say anything. He began explaining animatedly, leading her deeper and deeper into the lair. "You're aware of my plans to search for other alien species since becoming a hero, correct?" He asked, and didn't wait for her nod before he continued. Roxanne watched, amused, as he swiftly dodged a wrench on the floor and a brain bot hovering overhead before continuing. "Well I believe I've finally found another alien life form on earth!" He finished with a big grin. His emerald eyes were sparkling with excitement.

Her eyebrows quirked, intrigued. "Oh really?"

"Yes!" He nodded emphatically. "I don't believe it's a member of my species or Metro-er, Music Man's. But this is still a step in the right direction, is it not?"

"It is! So, where are you taking me?" Roxanne asked curiously.

"Right here!" He turned from walking backwards and gestured to an enormous computer screen scaling the length of the lair's wall. Roxanne looked up at it in wonder – she'd never seen so big a screen! She quickly snapped out of it when Megamind logged on and pulled up pictures of the alien he had found.

"See?" He said proudly, waiting for her approval. "There are many pictures of this creature among the internet, especially _Goo-gal._ I suppose humans from other countries are not used to aliens and have captured it's picture many times in an attempt to figure out what it is." He paused, looking at his girlfriend. She was staring at the images on the screen, her face blank. "…Roxanne?"

She looked over at him, then burst out laughing. She clutched her stomach and tears came to her eyes. "That's not an alien." She croaked between giggles. "That's Lady Gaga!"

On the screen were pictures of the famous singer in her dozens of outfits – the meat-themed one, the red one with the flame mask, the stuffed animal obsessed one, and many others. Roxanne had tried so desperately hard not to laugh when she saw what Megamind had researched and classified as an alien, but when he looked at her with those big innocent eyes and seemed confused by her blank reaction, she couldn't hold in it in.

He blinked. "Oh, so you're aware of her species?"

She let out a loud guffaw as he spoke, collapsing into his leather and spiked chair. He sighed as she continued laughing, feeling out of the loop. Finally she began to calm down and he helped her sit up as she wiped at her tears. "Megamind, I assure you, she's not an alien." Seeing his confused yet disappointed expression, she quickly added, "She's just the weirdest human you'll ever meet."

"But what about-"

"No." She shook her head and began to walk away, mostly to find Minion and ask him if he knew about Megamind's findings. She chuckled. "She's not an alien."

He stared after her retreating back in silence, then looked skeptically at the pictures on the screen. After taking a moment to debate, he scurried after her. "Are you sure?"

...

A/N: Haha, please don't be offended by this. I like Lady Gaga, I really do, I just thought this would be hilarious. Megamind wouldn't know about her, cause he doesn't watch TV and he doesn't listen to her kind of music. XD


	3. Swimming

**Swimming (Original, amirite?)  
**

**Pairings: Megamind/Roxanne**

**Rating: T  
**

**Genre: Humor/Romance**

**Story © Phantom Misfit**

**Megamind © Dreamworks**

**Note: Pre-movie, possible OOC  
**

* * *

Roxanne sighed as she sliced cleanly through the water, the scent of chlorine thick in the air and only the sound of her labored breathing echoing off the thick concrete walls.

As the reporter finished her lap, her feet touched the pool's edge and she bounced off, easily falling into a brisk backstroke. Staring up at the ceiling tiles, Roxanne's mind began to wander.

She came to the pool a couple times a year to do laps and relax. Whenever Megamind's kidnappings got too obnoxious, or her job grated on her, or she got a call from her mother asking if she was ever going to settle down and have a family, she would come here and work off her stress. All three of these influenced her decision to rent the local community center's poll for an hour to blow off steam. In the summer it was nearly impossible to get an opening, but since it was winter she was able to get a good spot, with no worry of families or screaming children.

Her fingers deftly touched the side of the pool and she turned, slicing through the turquoise liquid, shedding her worries as she did so.

As the reporter did her strokes and periodically came up for air, she heard the clicking of boots on the tiled floor outside the pool. _It hasn't been an hour already, has it?_ Roxanne thought in disappointment, knowing her wandering thoughts often made her lose track of time. Then she realized with a jolt that Hank, the pool's manager, always wore flip flops, not boots with a heel that would click.

The footsteps stopped as she touched the side of the pool and she surfaced, water running into her eyes and making them blurry. She slicked her hair back and wiped her eyes, coming face to face with a grinning Megamind. "Hello, Miss Ritchi."

"Megamind," She gasped, and then her face darkened as the surprise ebbed.

"What, not happy to see your favorite kidnapper?" He taunted, rising from his crouch at the pool's edge. "It took me awhile to find you, Miss Ritchi," He sneered, "but there's no escaping from pure evil!"

"No, Megamind," Roxanne warned, pushing off the wall so she was floating safely in the middle of the pool. "This is _my_ time; you are _not_ going to kidnap me today!"

"Oh? And what makes you think you can stop me?" The alien taunted.

"Because I'm going to go ahead and guess that you forgot the knock out spray, since you didn't spray me as soon as I got to the wall." She grinned at his embarrassed look. "_And_ you can't dehydrate me with your favorite gun since I'm already in water!" She floated easily on her back, hands folded behind her head nonchalantly. "You can't get me."

The alien gritted his teeth against her logic. "Or I could jump in and get you." He pointed out.

"But you won't," She replied breezily, "because then you'll ruin your precious leather."

Megamind's face was turning an interesting shade of purple in embarrassment and anger at himself for being so transparent. Roxanne chuckled fondly. "Okay, okay, don't blow a gasket. I'll come with you, my hour is almost up anyway." It wasn't, but he didn't know that. She swam to the wall and looked up at him with big, innocent blue eyes. "Will you give me a hand out of the pool?"

Megamind cursed his weakness for said eyes and rolled his own in an attempt to be condescending. "Fine, Miss Ritchi, but just know that I-_aaugh!_" Roxanne had clasped her hands in his in the guise of getting out of the pool, but at the last minute pulled him down into the chlorinated water, causing a great '_splash!'_ He flailed in the water, spitting out a mouthful of it, and Roxanne let her gales of laughter roll. He had gotten his footing in the slightly shallow water, and now looked like a drowned rat, his glower as hot as Metro Man's laser vision. His leathers were sopping wet and hanging on his thin frame, droplets dripping from his long jaw and eyelashes.

"Y-you should s-see your _f-face!_" Roxanne laughed, tears coming out of her eyes.

"Well I'm glad to be of some _ah-mooz-ment_ to you!" Megamind barked harshly, turning and swimming away, his bedraggled cape following him. Roxanne's laughter died, surprise at his angry outburst taking its place. She swam after him, concerned. "Hey...hey, I'm sorry, Megamind." She said, feeling horrible. Minion had made those clothes for him, and what if his dehydration gun was ruined?

Roxanne brought herself up short. Wait, what was she _thinking?_ _No matter,_ she told herself sternly, _He may be an evil alien, but he still has feelings and you hurt them._

He appeared not to have heard her, his shoulders hunched inward as he struggled to get out of the pool. She swam up next to him, realizing with alarm that his features were pinched and wan. "Megamind, wait!" She said desperately, but when he ignored her she fisted her hand in his cape and tugged, sending him pinwheeling into the pool with a shout of surprise. The reporter winced. _Maybe not the best way to start an apology._

When he surfaced he was no longer hurt, but angry. "What did you do that for?" He demanded.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to apologize," Roxanne said earnestly. "I shouldn't have pulled you into the pool."

He smiled a little bit, unused to being apologized to, and once more the spark of mischief came into his jewel-green eyes. "_Aaand?_" He drawled, cocking one coal-black eyebrow and folding his arms underwater.

"And for laughing at you," Roxanne admitted, chuckling at his silly expression.

Megamind grinned and patted her wet head. "Very good," He congratulated. "Tomorrow I'll teach you all about sharing and caring."

"Megamind!" Roxanne laughed, splashing him with water.

"Roxanne!" He mimicked, making her laugh again, and splashed her back. "And what's this? I'm in the po-_ohl_ now, which means the kidnapping shall commence!" He raised a dramatic, wet gloved finger in the air.

"Not if you can't catch me!" Roxanne taunted, sticking her tongue out and splashing away, drenching the alien in the process.

"Why, you little vixen!" Megamind exclaimed, emerald eyes sparkling. Roxanne chortled and swam off, but a few moments later she felt a hand enclose her ankle. She squealed, turned around, and came face to face with a bare blue chest.

_Oh, my._ Roxanne thought dazedly. While whipcord thin and lacking giant muscles, his chest was hard and fit, showing signs of exercise in his bouts of hyper energy. He was ungloved as well, his hands as thin as the rest of him, but with long elegant fingers that were made for a musician or an artist. His legs were sticks, from what she could see from being distorted underwater, and he was wearing-

"Lightning bolt boxers?" Roxanne cocked an eyebrow and smirked, wondering why she was so weak in the knees after her appraisal. She saw his crumpled leathers dripping in a wet heap on the side of the pool, his boots slouched over like bags of flour and his de-gun glowing brightly.

Megamind pouted. "They match all my _e-vil_ outfits."

"So what does that say about your taste level?" Roxanne bantered. She realized with a start that she was having..._fun!_

"It says that my taste level is _im-peh-cabble!_" Megamind tossed back with an evil grin. Not evil in the usual sense, but evil in a strangely good sense that made her heart flutter, the reporter thought to herself, then shook her head. _Shut up!_

"In any sense-" Megamind continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil, "I caught you, and since rules are rules, _you_ are to be my kidnapping victim now."

"Since when does _e-vil_ play by the rules?" Roxanne purred, blue eyes locking with green. "So in that case..." He was so mesmerized by her eyes that he didn't notice her hand moving toward the water until the torrent of water slapped him in the face and she was gone, swimming like a fish and giggling all the while.

"Oh, that's it!" He boomed, ready to get the upper hand. "You asked for it!"

He dove after her, having a fish for a guardian giving him very good swimming skills. She was always sneakily out of reach, letting him get close but not close enough, until finally he lunged for her. He hugged her, locking her arms at her sides, leaving her struggles futile.

"Hah!" He crowed. "I've got you!"

Just as he finished saying the words, Roxanne spit a mouthful of pool water into his face, sliding underwater and out of his arms as he spluttered.

"Gotta do better than that!" She cried, paddling away.

"Would you quit doing that?" Megamind exclaimed, wiping his face and diving after her.

Not able to see while swimming underwater, Roxanne crashed into the corner of the pool. She surfaced, rubbing her head with a wince, but dropped it with a gasp when she saw Megamind coming towards her, cornering her.

He smirked as he saw her tense, then relax into a deceptively calm manner, arms thrown out on the sides of the pool like her arms were around someone. "You're trapped, Miss Ritchi," he purred, drifting closer. "You lose."

"It seems so," She agreed, eyebrow quirking in soft amusement.

"You don't seem too worried," She commented, getting so close that she was nearly pressed against the wall.

She shrugged. "There's a benefit to losing," She philosophized.

"Oh, and what's that?"

"You get to learn from your mistakes!" In a lightning -fast move, she grabbed a water gun that she'd been hiding behind her and pulled it forward, squirting it in his face with a delighted squeal. She then ducked under his arm and swam away, shooting at him the whole time.

"What is it with you splashing me in the face?" Megamind exclaimed, swiping his face with his hand only to get drenched again. He grabbed a water gun from the bag of water toys that Roxanne had hid behind her.

"You're just too 'devilishly handsome'!" Roxanne laughed, quoting Megamind himself. "I had to lessen its effect!" She teased.

"Nothing can ruin this face!" Megamind countered, carefully aiming the gun. "Except maybe water in your eyes!" He squirted and hit her directly in the face, causing her to wipe her face and grin, challenge glittering in her blue eyes.

They did this for some time, exchanging banter and shooting at each other. Megamind got steadily closer until, with a war cry, he lunged for her, snatching the gun from her hand. Roxanne let out a moue of distress as Megamind tossed the guns off to the side of the pool, then backed her up against the wall. She didn't have any water to spit at him, and his arms were on either side of her, caging her in and not allowing her own arms to come up to splash him. She could slide under his arms, but something within her didn't want to.

"Nice to see you again, Miss Ritchi," Megamind smirked, expressive eyebrows quirking.

"We've got to stop meeting like this," Roxanne quipped, and the absurdity of the whole afternoon finally hit them. They dissolved into laughter. Roxanne wiped her eyes after laughing for a good two minutes straight, feeling Megamind's rumbles subside as well. She grinned and was about to say something until she looked up and saw his face. He was looking at her intently; head tilted slightly, emerald eyes curious.

"What?" She asked self-consciously, smoothing wet bangs back from her face. Absurdly, she felt _shy_.

"It's just...I just realized I've never heard you laugh before." The alien explained, green eyes still on hers.

"Yeah, it's been awhile. It feels good." Roxanne said bashfully, looking at him from beneath damp eyelashes.

She didn't know how long they floated there, his arms still keeping her in place, not that she wanted to leave. She found herself gazing at his blue lips, a rush of longing streaking through her. She didn't know who leaned forward first, but her hand slid up to his bony shoulder and their lips were just about to brush...

"Miss Ritchi, your hour is up!"

With a gasp, Roxanne pushed Megamind underwater. As her head whipped toward the hallways leading to Hank's office, she thanked God that the L-shape of the pool hid them behind the kid-targeted water slide and the manager couldn't see Megamind thrashing underwater.

"Thanks, Hank! I'll be out in a minute!" She forced out, trying to stay calm as he rounded the corner and he looked at her worriedly.

"You okay, Miss Ritchi?" He asked, concerned, and she nodded vigorously.

"Oh yes, just peachy!" She said quickly. "Can I just have a minute?"

"'Course," He replied, still looking at her strangely. "The next group will be here soon, though."

"No problem!" She said cheerfully, her cheeks beginning to hurt. "I'll just be going in a sec!"

He nodded, giving her a worried look, then ambled back down the hall and back into his office.

Roxanne let go of Megamind, who popped out of the water and onto the side of the pool, gasping for air. "What was that for?"

"Sorry," She said quickly, feeling guilty as she patted him on the back to help him breathe. "Hank, the pool's manager, came by to tell me my hour was up. I couldn't let him see you here."

"Ugh." His top half collapsed onto the side of the pool while his bottom half was still floating underwater.

"Are you okay?" She asked, hand on his back to steady him.

"Yeah," He mumbled, then lifted his head, smiling tiredly at her. "Thanks."

She laughed. "That's not what people usually say after they've been half drowned."

He chuckled along with her. "Well I guess I don't know post-drowning protocol." He teased. With a grunt he lifted himself out of the pool, sitting on the side with his feet in the water.

"Help me up?" Roxanne asked, and held back a laugh when he looked at her suspiciously. "I promise I won't pull you in again." They clasped hands and he hauled her out of the water. She sat down next to him, looking at him out of the corner of her eyes. "Sooo...I guess you caught me." She said slowly. "Will you wait for me to get dressed and then kidnap me?"

He shrugged, smiling at her. "Kind of a bust now. I'll just go and recover from my drowning."

She smiled back, punching him gently on the shoulder. "Thanks, softie." She murmured, feeling at a loss now that they were about to part. "And...I had a nice time."

"Me too." He replied, watching as she got up and grabbed her towel from a bench set up against the wall, vigorously rubbing her hair and then wrapping it around her frame.

She walked over to the dressing rooms and smiled at him, disappearing behind the door.

* * *

"Sir, what happened? Where's Miss Ritchi? Why are you all wet?" Minion pounced on him as soon as he got to the lair.

Megamind grinned, knowing he looked like a drowned rat in his sopping leather. "We had a deal," He explained, stripping off his shirt as he walked past the anxious amphibian, "and I let her win."

* * *

**Would this ever happen in canon? No way. Was it fun to write? Hell yeah! I had a lot of fun writing this because I kinda went with the flow of my thoughts instead of planning it out with details like I usually do. My first Megamind fanfic in months...hope it's alright! Oh, and I hope the banter is okay. :)  
**

**-PM**

**EDIT: Proofread and fixed.  
**


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